Fucking Valentine’s Day
I’ve recently become pretty obsessed with podcasts. My commute is the perfect length for a good story, and there are plenty of awesome podcasts to choose from. Recently, I was checking out The Whorecast, a fantastic podcast by Siouxsie Q and Jesse James that shares interviews with various American sex workers — and Siouxsie Q shared something that made me realize why Valentine’s Day should really be all of our favorite holiday.
“I like to think of it like this moment in time where we can celebrate the good parts of this world, the love, the sex, the things that make life worth living. Even if you’re single, even if it’s not like all about the touchy feely romance stuff, taking a day to watch your favorite porn and have a good brunch. I think that Valentine’s Day should be the day we celebrate sex positivity and love and goodness in the world.”
I fucking love this idea. Why should we let the “perfect romance” narrative dictate how we celebrate Valentine’s Day? What if we celebrated a whole different way — a sex positive holiday of awesomeness? I’m on board. Here’s why.
- Sex positivity is fantastic.
Not familiar with sex positivity? It’s “an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. The sex-positive movement advocates sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign.” Yessss! Voices that normalize sexual pleasure are so badly needed in today’s slut-shaming, cat-calling, overly judgmental culture. Let’s be those voices, and let’s talk extra loudly about how great consensual sex is, in celebration of Valentine’s Day! (We could call it “Fuck Yeah Valentine’s Day”…for fun.) - We could all use more sex education!
Having a holiday that celebrates sex positivity would give us the opportunity to start a dialogue about safe sex, consent, love, and all the forms that love takes. From improving comprehensive sex education in schools to changing the way we talk about sex, and empowering adults to learn more about sex and sexuality, there’s so much to be done, and what a great time of year to begin! - We don’t need another holiday that pits partners against each other.
There are so many TV shows, books, plot lines about the person (usually a well-meaning man) who screws up the “perfect” Valentine’s Day and feels the wrath of his (usually female) partner. Enough of that (heteronormative) shit! If you and your partner are into romance, that’s awesome. Snafus will undoubtedly happen and you’ll love each other anyway. We shouldn’t be inundated with narratives of the perfect day, and let our partners scramble around trying to buy every product in the store to make that happen. Do romance your way, don’t fall into a marketing trap. - You can celebrate New Valentine’s Day however you want.
If you’re single, that’s awesome — self-care and radical self love are both great places to start when planning a celebration of how rad you are. If you’re in a relationship, that’s cool too, cause you can also celebrate yourselves however you want. A sexy evening, a dinner date, or porn and brunch as Siouxsie Q suggests are all fun ways to ring in a new year of great sex, by yourself or with your partner(s). - Most of all, it should be a time for thankfulness.
The part I loved most about Siouxsie Q’s idea of Valentine’s Day is celebrating all the love and goodness in the world. It doesn’t have to be about sex — send a family member a card telling them you love them. Buy a pack of kid valentines from the store (they’re so much fun!) and mail them to your far away friends. We could all use a day to step back, think about the people we love, and tell them how awesome they are.
I’m pretty into this new Valentine’s Day idea. What does everybody else think? Share your ideas for Fuck Yeah Valentine’s Day with me on twitter or here in the comments.
❤
